Clergy sexual misconduct is a travesty. There’s no question about that. It’s also found in all faiths, including ours. So why is it so poorly addressed by Unitarian Universalists? Why is it allowed to devastate congregations like mine? Why do the problems, now known, not get fixed? In a word, it’s the “bystander.” There’s a very good chance I mean people like you. To quote Judith Lewis Herman:
“It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of the pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering. . . .”
This bystander non-engagement trickles up, ultimately, in the case of Unitarian Universalism, to our Board. Addressing clergy misconduct is not a priority for the Board. There are some good people on the board who get it, and would be happy to spearhead fixing the system, but they don’t have the support of the rest of the Board.
If the system is going to be fixed, the Board needs to get the right people to the table and rewrite the policies. Then the Board needs to hold those charged with the responsibility accountable. Otherwise we’re trapped in an endless loop of: (1) task forces write excellent reports with great ideas of how to fix the problems; (2) we start down the right track; (3) the initiative gets lost to other priorities determined by people not on the Board who don’t necessarily understand misconduct; (4) victims and congregations are hit by more clergy misconduct and suffer terribly; (5) they try to speak up, but are marginalized; (6) if they are heard at all, a task force is formed and the cycle goes on. The time for powerless task forces is past. The time for making the victims hold the brunt of the responsibility should never have been.
So here is what you can do….
Contact your Board member and anyone else you know on the Board. It’s really quite easy. Just tell them this has to be a priority and ask them to check back with you in six months and let you know what’s been done. Ask for concrete acts. Ask who they have put in charge and what their credentials are. Ask if they have gotten some victims to the table.
It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve never been affected by clergy misconduct. If you haven’t already been, you could be, or worse, a beloved child of yours could be. It’s not the silence of victims that sanctions perpetrators. It’s everyone else’s silence. So just do it. Tell the Board they need to make addressing misconduct a priority.
When the day comes that the Board claims overcoming misconduct as a priority, they won’t just be doing the right thing, they’ll be creating a healthier association. I’d be willing to bet our faith will start to grow if they (finally) do a good job of this. It’s good business to do the right thing.
Very well said uugrrl.
Edmund Burke’s famous saying -
“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”
is quite regrettably all too applicable to how U*Us respond to clergy misconduct of all kinds, to say nothing of other U*U injustices and abuses. . .
Allow me to paraphrase Albert Einstein’s similar quote -
The U*U World is an “UNSAFE SECT”; not because of the U*Us who are evil, but because of the U*Us who don’t do anything about it.
I remember confronting a certain unmentionable U*U minister from Ottawa about the fact that he and two other unmentionable Canadian U*U ministers had done absolutely nothing to affirm and promote provide justice, equity and compassion when I handed them a package of documents regarding the demeaning and abusive (non-sexual) clergy misconduct of U*Us know who. This U*U minister and two other Canadian U*U ministers conducted the first “peer review” of the unmentionable minister in question and they completely ignored the serious and well-documented complaint that I filed with them.
When I challenged him about their complicit negligence when I encountered him some years later at an anti-globalization protest in Ottawa, where he busy affirming and promoting the inherent worth and dignity of Ottawa police officers by hurling donut jokes at the overweight officers. . . his lame U*U covering response to my challenge was -
“Nobody did anything. . .”
So true. So shameful. And “good” U*Us, including UUA President Bill Sinkford and Rev. Dr. Tracey Robinson-Harris are still doing nothing or next to nothing to responsibly address, and adequately redress, the serious injustices and abuses that you and I and no doubt other people have repeatedly brought to their attention.
I suspect I will see my board member at GA, and I will bring it up to her in person then.
CC
Thanks, y’all. CC — I really appreciate your saying something to your Board member. I don’t know what district you are in, but a number do already get it, and for them it’s probably helpful to be able to say people in my district know there’s a problem and want us to make it a priority. My hope is that the rest are just confused and inadequately informed, and willing to do what they can to help if they have the support to do this. Many are likely to be frightened by the subject, even if they won’t admit it. It’s quite reasonable to be frightened. It’s highly toxic stuff. But avoiding it just makes it worse in my experience.
Have you seen this?
http://revmartikeller.com/sermons/sacredtrust.html
Wow, Robin. That’s a powerful sermon. Many thanks.